This is an excerpt of an upcoming OCD memoir by Kathrine Snyder. Learn more at https://www.kathrinesnyder.com/
I snuggled Brownie in my arms, feeling the velvet of my rooster’s feathers against my fingers. He was sparkling gold, gleaming rust, and glossy green. His eyes closed in pure bliss as I caressed his grainy wattles. The sun slanted through the trees. Matt and I pondered life. It was our favorite part of the day.
Minutes later, I tromped upstairs to do my daily devotions.
I’d better hurry today, I thought. I want to have time to play a game with my family.
I tried to perform my daily rituals extra quickly. Hiding inside the bedroom closet, I rolled shut the smooth sliding door. I pressed again, door against jamb.
Press. Press. Press. Three times.
I had to make sure to obey this verse: “When you pray, enter into your closet, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father.”
Is the door really closed? What if there is a millimeter that is open?
Oh well, good enough. I’m in a hurry.
I started muttering my prayers.
“Please help my friends who fell into sexual sin.” I listed the names of people who had been disciplined by our church, along with distant cousins. “Save them from their wickedness and impurity.”
Usually, I didn’t come out of the closet until my insides felt just right. Sometimes, I stayed in the closet for hours—until Mommy started to worry about me. But today, I hurried down the creaky staircase and plopped on the brown carpet next to my siblings and parents to play a board game.