Every day I feel more and more alone, I feel no one understands me, not even myself. I don´t know why I have become so afraid and so rare.
I can´t find pleasure anymore, not even in food, because I am afraid of everything I eat, I am afraid I will get sick, or poisoned, or an infection, or an allergy.
I can´t take this anymore.
I feel more and more separated from everyone and everything, as if I am a martian in Earth.
People don´t understand me, they just judge me, make fun of me, or just get angry for my behaviours or my way of thinking.
I just want some good friends, somebody who I could talk to, who will understand me or get it. I don´t even have enough money to pay a psychologist, and every day I feel helpless and hopeless, as if I would never be happy again, or as if there´s nothing more for me in this life, where I have no friends, my family doesn´t love me or get me, and I am a failure in every aspect I could possibly be.
I hate it, I wanna be happy again, I wanna be able to eat with no fear or guilt, I wanna live a beautiful life, but sometimes that just seems impossible and too far away from reality.
I feel like I am a bad person, and maybe I deserve to be unhappy, or to live the bad life that I am living right now, but I just feel guilty even for wishing things or thinking of things I will never do, and also for things I´ve done in the past, and no matter what I do, the guilt and the shame just doesn´t go away.
I feel like an awful human being, even though I know I have a good heart and good intentions, but sometimes I feel like I have hurt too many people, and that I hurt my parents and everyone by not being what they expected me to be.
I just can´t take it anymore.
I just want a hug and for life to be easy, instead of being this hard.