Since the age of 14, I've suffered from obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). To this day, I have disturbing intrusive thoughts, ruminations, and compulsive behavior.
Specifically, I have Magical Thinking OCD, an OCD subtype characterized by ongoing intrusive thoughts and compulsive behaviors around superstition or magical thinking to prevent negative experiences or harm to oneself or others. I feel like the world will end if I don’t comply with my intrusive thoughts. To avoid the catastrophic scenarios, I do compulsions, such as excessive hand washing, hoarding useless items, separating covered candies, eye blinking, retouching surfaces, turning the light on and off, changing clothes again, picking shoes again, and spitting on the ground whenever an intrusive thought comes in my mind.
My OCD has completely messed up my life. My compulsions include rewriting or retyping certain sentences/words that don’t quite fit. As an aspiring filmmaker/screenwriter/book writer, it has deeply affected my advance writing skills. As a result, I’ve stopped writing my screenplays and my upcoming fantasy novel. My academic career has also been affected in a negative way. I'm now academically disqualified from the university I worked so hard to get into.
I haven’t lost my passion for writing a novel, though. What I feel while writing is a sense of comfort. I feel like a writer's role in society is underrated. Us writers tend to be overlooked for our contributions to the entertainment business. I firmly believe that writing can truly change the world because we can persuade people into believing that change by creating stories of injustices.
I am not an OCD expert, but I would like to tell the readers this: “Don’t suffer in silence.” I guess speaking about my experience with OCD truly feels reliving because I know my story matters if I’m in a safe space to talk about it. Everyone deserves to be heard and taken seriously about their own struggles with their mental health.
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